i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
