He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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