so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
