she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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