In America we eat man semen.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
