I hate your face
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
