So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize