i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
