so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
