It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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