I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
