K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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