I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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