In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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