Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
bring money and cleavage
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
