wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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