Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
