Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
