I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
