Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
