if i died would you start the facebook group?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
