smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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