He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You smell like stripper and shame
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
