this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
