I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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