never play flip cup with pint glasses
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
