Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
