non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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