you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
