we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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