ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
