I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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