If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
