I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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