If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
