I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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