Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize