i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
