i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
