just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
