help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize