I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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