I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
