I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
