yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
