he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's never too late to be topless.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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