Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
