Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
