1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
