she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
