i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
