The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
