I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
