His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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