i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
