forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When did angry sex become our thing?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
