Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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