I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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