why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
