My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Please don't give away my fajitas
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
