New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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