He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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